Post by Disparagingtheboot on Aug 13, 2016 19:24:33 GMT -5
1. GetMoving! grew in the loamy fear of the "obesity epidemic". It advertised, like so many before and after, that its program of relentlessly positive parent-child exercise classes would get kids moving, foster healthy habits, and so on. GetMoving!, however, seemed to offer actual results, and so the yuppie superparents streamed in, adding yet more ecstatic online reviews of the program once they left. They have programs in twenty states now. If you could someone sneak past the carefully hidden security personnel (they look like fit, unfailingly upbeat twentysomethings, but they've been trained in practices more dangerous than jazzercise) into the rented gymnasiums, you'd see them: legions of parents and children endlessly repeating the same exercises with blank expressions, while a record message blares over the intercom: "You must become strong. Only with strength can you be pure. You must move. Only constant movement is pure. You cannot stop. Only pigs stop. Pigs are meat. You must become strong."
2. The Miners mine gold. Or, rather, they farm it. And they're good at farming it. Where do they farm it? Anywhere there are people who will buy it. World of Warcraft still remains their focus, despite Blizzard's vigorous attempts to shut them down. To the company's chagrin, this seems to be impossible- the "Miners" sell their wares through an ever-shifting series of websites (all with the same pickax logo), but all of the contributors seem to come from different countries and backgrounds, and there's no central server farm. Regardless of what connection they're using, anyone given a contract by the miners has one thing in common: they're all better than anyone else at what they do. Somehow, they always accumulate gold faster than anyone else can, and no one, not even the makers of the various games, has any idea how they do it.
3. The Sigismund Foundation for Interfaith Outreach doesn't get much attention, and only a few crackpot Bible Belt fundie ministers have accused them of anything sinister. In fact, this Unitarian-founded nonprofit isn't involved in much weirdness at all (even if "Unitarian Universalism" does sound like some sort of mi-go UFO cult), with the notable exception of the CRPSBF. The Committee for the Recognition and Preservation of Small and Burgeoning Faiths isn't exactly a cult, but it's become the closest thing the cults and shadow religions of the world of darkness have to a United Nations. When the committee was chartered and sent to survey small and emerging faiths and religious movements, no one knew what a Pandora's box they were opening (or that they would end up negotiating with a cult that claimed to actually possess said box). You just can't go looking for fringe religions in the world of darkness without founding plenty of out-there shit. Doggedly adhering to its mission, the Committee slowly found itself becoming a neutral body that primarily handles negotiations between assorted cults and mystery religions and related issues, a role that has put its members in the path of some of the weirdest things the world has to offer. They've done things they're not very proud of, but they can usually rationalize them as mitigation. After all, if you find a lawyer who can get Unspeakable Deacon Ggarlkagh Ggar out of his DUI charge, that means he doesn't end up trying to summon a shoggoth to eat the bailiff during his trial. They do, however, take a dim view of charlatans, those who start cults and religious movements purely for their own benefit. It's fine with them if you worship a world-devouring snake monster, just as long as you really believe in it.
2. The Miners mine gold. Or, rather, they farm it. And they're good at farming it. Where do they farm it? Anywhere there are people who will buy it. World of Warcraft still remains their focus, despite Blizzard's vigorous attempts to shut them down. To the company's chagrin, this seems to be impossible- the "Miners" sell their wares through an ever-shifting series of websites (all with the same pickax logo), but all of the contributors seem to come from different countries and backgrounds, and there's no central server farm. Regardless of what connection they're using, anyone given a contract by the miners has one thing in common: they're all better than anyone else at what they do. Somehow, they always accumulate gold faster than anyone else can, and no one, not even the makers of the various games, has any idea how they do it.
3. The Sigismund Foundation for Interfaith Outreach doesn't get much attention, and only a few crackpot Bible Belt fundie ministers have accused them of anything sinister. In fact, this Unitarian-founded nonprofit isn't involved in much weirdness at all (even if "Unitarian Universalism" does sound like some sort of mi-go UFO cult), with the notable exception of the CRPSBF. The Committee for the Recognition and Preservation of Small and Burgeoning Faiths isn't exactly a cult, but it's become the closest thing the cults and shadow religions of the world of darkness have to a United Nations. When the committee was chartered and sent to survey small and emerging faiths and religious movements, no one knew what a Pandora's box they were opening (or that they would end up negotiating with a cult that claimed to actually possess said box). You just can't go looking for fringe religions in the world of darkness without founding plenty of out-there shit. Doggedly adhering to its mission, the Committee slowly found itself becoming a neutral body that primarily handles negotiations between assorted cults and mystery religions and related issues, a role that has put its members in the path of some of the weirdest things the world has to offer. They've done things they're not very proud of, but they can usually rationalize them as mitigation. After all, if you find a lawyer who can get Unspeakable Deacon Ggarlkagh Ggar out of his DUI charge, that means he doesn't end up trying to summon a shoggoth to eat the bailiff during his trial. They do, however, take a dim view of charlatans, those who start cults and religious movements purely for their own benefit. It's fine with them if you worship a world-devouring snake monster, just as long as you really believe in it.